Techbro, Stop Using The Word Orthogonal

Quick intro

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1.0 The Orthogonal Problem

You’ll hear two things in SF.

1. People call the Zuck, ‘Mark’, not Mark Zuckerberg. To imply proximity.

2. Conversations MUST have the word orthogonal.

Nowhere else is the word orthogonal used in daily register.

2.0 Google Trends and the Memetic Tech Echo Chamber

Something memetic is happening here. I’m a certified bias confirmer. So Google Trends is my solace.

memetic - of an idea or behavior to spread like a virus (Merriam-Webster, 2025)¹.

In August 2025, the word orthogonal had a search popularity of 50.

Aug 2025 orthogonal search trend

Here’s where it gets interesting. Stanford (the place where all the tech bros attend) displays the highest popularity when ranked by city.

Stanford has highest search volume for orthogonal

Bias confirmed.

The Stanford transplants often hear the word orthogonal. They don’t know what it means either. That won’t stop them from using it.

Great. I’m not the only one trying to figure out what you mean.

3.0 Orthogonal and Lines of Thought

What I imagine when I hear the word orthogonal mid conversation

Orthogonal is related to lines. I surmise you’re referring to a shared line of thought.

But, what kind of line are our thoughts on during the conversation?

3.1 Triangles and Orthogonality

Say we’re talking. You dropped an orthogonal mid-conversation after 5 ‘Mark’ name-drops.

Maybe we’re conversing on a straight line. You diverged 90 degrees from our mutual path. A right-angled triangle. We’re communicating ‘triangularly’.

I guess you mean our conversations are (somewhat) related and if one of us yields, then we can draw a line to join our ideas? What?

3.2 Circles and Orthogonality

Pollard Rho cycle finding algorithm. Taken from luogu

Alright, our lines of thought are circular. It could be like Pollard-Rho and our conversation exists within a cyclic group.

I guess we’ll collide at a shared point and agree on something.

Pollard Rho and Pollard Kangaroo for Dormant Bitcoin Wallets

Then you drop another orthogonal mid speech. What do you mean?

Did you go on a tangent? Are we never going to be on the same page?

3.3 Polynomials and Orthogonality

Chebyshev polynomials of the first kind

Finally perhaps, we are having an ‘elevated, high-dimensional’ conversation. We’re communicating in latent space or whatever the AI bros say these days.

My line of thought is a basis function. Your line of thought is another basis function.

You pause. Mid sentence, I hear you say orthogonal. Ok?

Multiplying my line of thought by yours and integrating to find the area under our thoughts equals zero? (Weissten, 2025)²

Like is our conversation is zero-sum?

My brother (or sister) in technology, what do you mean?

You can see some orthogonal Chebyshev polynomials here. Is this it?

Chebyshev KANs Beat MLPs on Extreme Nonlinearities

4.0 The Solution

Here’s my thesis: orthogonal shouldn’t be part of your conversational vocabulary.

It doesn’t make you sound smart.

It does the opposite.

Now, go use these GPU credits and stop embarrassing yourself.

Sources

1. “Memetics.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/memetics. Accessed 23 Sep. 2025.

2. Weisstein, Eric W. "Orthogonal Polynomials." From MathWorld--A Wolfram Resource. https://mathworld.wolfram.com/OrthogonalPolynomials.html